The ‘Gifted Child to Actually Autistic Adult’ Pipeline

A recent thread on Instagram centred stories from countless people sharing the common experience of being Gifted children who struggled with misdiagnosed mental illnesses, well into adulthood, and whose lives finally made sense when they learned that they are in fact, Autistic.

The video linked below describes what my ‘Gifted Child to Actually Autistic Adult’ pipeline looked like.

If any of this sounds familiar, know that you are not alone. There are thousands of us out here, ready to embrace and support you.

If your support people, or your medical or mental health care practitioners aren’t listening, or if you’ve been denied a diagnosis, or if you can’t afford a diagnosis, or you’ve been given a diagnosis that doesn’t fit - keep looking. Keep advocating for yourself. Keep believing that your experience is real, and that it, and you, matter.

There is an answer out there for you, and when you find it, and the community of people who found it too, the knowing will be palpable, the connections will be like no others you’ve known, and you will finally find your place.

We’ll be here.

-Teron

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FULL TRANSCRIPT:

Ok folks, this is a long one, so settle in…

For the past few years, I have been reckoning with the realization that my childhood abuse trauma doesn't even begin to compare to the trauma of having lived the majority of my life as an undiagnosed Autistic.

A recent thread on Instagram centred stories from countless people sharing the common experience of being Gifted children who struggled with mis-diagnosed 'mental illnesses' well into adulthood, and whose lives finally started to make sense when they learned that they are in fact, Autistic.

This video is what my ‘Gifted Child to Actually Autistic Adult’ Pipeline looked like…

I was an intellectually gifted kid who was often described as someone who, quote, “has so much potential - if they’d just apply themselves…” end quote.

I was hyperlexic, hyper-verbal, easily bored, unable to concentrate on anything that didn't interest me - yet hyper-focused on things that did. I was unable to tolerate countless textures, sounds, smells, sensations, unable to cope with sudden change...

I had poor proprioception, poor interoception… I had pattern recognition abilities that bordered on paranormal.

mmm… I was constantly vacillating between sensory seeking and sensory aversion.

I had difficulty with transitions, and authority.

I was rigid and particular.

I had piles of stims I was forced to suppress, an intense sense of morality, and a complete inability to accept or conform to anything that seemed unjust or unfair. 

I was relentlessly bullied, unable to hold on to friendships, unable to fit in - despite an early obsession with psychology, and behaviour, and body language, and relationships, and despite learning to mask at a very, very young age.

I suffered severe anxiety and depression that I self-medicated with drugs and alcohol.

I endured social rejection, familial estrangement, profound loneliness, and decades of suicidality, constant meltdowns, shutdowns, chronic migraines from overstimulation, periods of being unable to speak, catatonia, narcolepsy, perpetual overwhelm, exhaustion, brain fog, and endless cycles of burnout which resulted in an inability to get my shit together and keep it that way for more than a few months, or if I was lucky, maybe a few years at a time.

I lived through decades of seeking medical assistance for symptoms of undiagnosed Ehlers Danlos and POTS and being told it was all in my head.

Internal tremors, ocular migraines, gastrointestinal issues, auto-immune issues, skin problems, chronic pain, erratic sleep cycles, frequent sprains and dislocations and other injuries, food sensitivities, vertigo, fainting spells, terrifying heartbeat irregularities... 

I can’t even count how many times I thought I was actively dying.

I survived a lifetime of being misinterpreted, misunderstood, and called oversensitive, dramatic, lazy, intense, intimidating, obstinate, a disappointment, a failure, difficult, stubborn, weak-willed, underachieving - despite damn near killing myself trying to be none of these things.

My last burnout hit like a freight train nearly 3 years ago, debilitating me completely, turning my life upside down (again), and ultimately leading to diagnosis.

I was almost 50 fucking years old.

It took almost 50 years for me to learn that I am, in fact, Autistic.

It took almost 50 years for me to access the information I needed to understand that life as an unsupported, undiagnosed, 2E, PDA Autistic IS as hard as mine has proven it to be - that it was not just all in my head, or some kind of indelible character flaw.

The relief of finally knowing that I am Autistic is indescribable, but after years of pushing way too hard in so many directions, that were wrong, this latest burnout was so severe, I’m still struggling to recover.

Autism diagnosis was absolutely the most transformative revelation of my life.

My ability to engage in self-compassion, self-understanding, and the kind of self-care that I specifically need AS AN AUTISTIC PERSON, has never been better.

My precious few close relationships have all benefited immensely, and my ability to self-accommodate has dramatically improved.

I still don't have access to the supports and resources that I really need to truly thrive, but finally knowing why I wrestle with the things I do has illuminated pathways to self-awareness, and healing, and recovery that nothing else I've pursued in my lifetime (and I've pursued a lot) nothing else has ever been able to shine a light on these things.

Diagnosis has unlocked doors I didn’t even know were there, but nobody should have to wait 50 fucking years for this…

If any of this sounds familiar, know that you are not alone. There are thousands of us out here, ready to embrace and support you.

If your support people, or your medical or mental health care practitioners aren’t listening, or if you have been denied a diagnosis, or if you can’t afford a diagnosis, or if you have been given a diagnosis that doesn’t fit - keep looking. Keep advocating for yourself. Keep believing that your experience is real, that it matters, and that you matter.

There is an answer out there for you, and when you find it, and the community of people who found it too, the knowing will be palpable, the connections will be like no others you’ve known, and you will finally find your place.

And we’ll be here.